Unless you are truly a hermit, we all experience the profound loss of death in life.  And it doesn’t stop, does it?  Nope.  The older we get, the more losses we experience.  We amass a collection of voids in our lives that could never be filled in after someone important to us ceased to exist.

It never gets easier.  Personally, I think of those I’ve lost and I look around at the world continuing with its cycles and orbits despite the light of an incredible person diminishing and I marvel at the gall.  I look at strangers around me, going on with their lives and laughing and smiling and all I want to do is sit down and scream the names of the voids that used to belong to amazing creatures who once inhabited my heart.  We all become philosophers when it comes to death and loss and nobody agrees.  Me?  In my darker moments, I tend to think that the dead are the lucky ones.  We all die, we all leave jagged holes in the lives of the people who love us as we exit this life, but ultimately we are finished when we go.  We no longer needlessly poke at those holes, keeping the pain alive in us.  That’s just me.

How many times have I looked at an old photo, looking into the face of a person who no longer physically exists, and said the words in the header?

“I would have done anything for you.”

How much of that statement is grief-filled fluff?  Is it true?  Would I really?


It’s easy to say it, to think that the life of the lost one could have been bettered or saved if only I’d not been less than.  If only I knew that time was short.  I would have done anything.

Or would I?  Am I full of shit and just hurting or was I really worthy of that amazing person in my life?

Heavy stuff, huh?  This is where my head was when I was writing Vicki Beautiful.  It’s a story that sits heavily on the base of the love of a lost one.  How deep does that love go?  Would you really do anything?

The question doesn’t have an answer, which is why I find it so maddening.  By the time you get around to asking it, it’s too late.  In the novella, my characters react, but I don’t really believe that they know the answer either.  It’s too big.  There are too many unknowns and variables.  “Anything” covers a hell of a lot, my friends.  A hell of a lot that is surrounded by lines maybe you wouldn’t be able to cross.

Hard questions with no definite answers.  Situations we all hope never to live through, and yet we do.  Heavy stuff.  To say the least, it wasn’t an easy story to write, digging into the black moist earth of the basement of life, the part we only go to when we absolutely have to.

But since I can’t stop life from being that harsh cyclical beast that pulls us in and then kicks our asses right back out, how about I drop the heavy and throw some news at you?  Yeah?  News is good and light and fluffy.  At least here it is.

Soon, the rights to Vicki Beautiful will be all mine again.  My intention is to self-publish this beautiful fireball of loss and love so that it stays out in the world, keeping the heavy alive.  The great thing about this is that I will make sure that it will be available in PRINT!  That’s right, physical copies are coming, folks!  I know I’m very much looking forward to holding a physical copy of this book in my hand.  I can’t promise I won’t be giving it wet smooches.  Don’t promise me that you won’t be smooching it as well.  I’m all for smooches.

So, until next time, *smooches* to you all and thank you for still being here.

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